Inside Job
But the first change must come from you.
You must lead and facilitate the transformation from exactly where you stand.
Years ago, in my first career as an English professor, I noticed that as the academic quarter progressed, I could identify a developmental arc within my students—initial enthusiasm and interest (even if reluctant for a required course!), digging in, impatience, more striving and progression, frustration and the desire to give up, recommitment, and finally, finishing.
I could vary the descriptive words for each phase, but for the most part, this is how it would go for those who completed the course. About two weeks before the end of the term, there seemed to be an inordinate number of people showing up for office hours where our conversations were punctuated by tears (theirs, not mine), and I’d do my best to give support, encouragement, and a path through to the end. At some point, I inwardly referred to this as “the crying week,” and I could just normalize it and be prepared. We’ve all experienced this phenomenon: it’s the part where you think it’s just not going to happen, when reaching the end seems overwhelming or impossible, and you’re just not sure you can make it.
I used to be a runner, so I know what this physical/psychological pushing through feels like. There’s a suspended space in time where you both hold the faith to the end of whatever you’re enduring, summon the courage to press on, and you do. When I ran the Danskin Women’s Triathlon (in the 1990s and early 2000s), I loved their tagline: the woman who starts the race is not the same as the woman who finishes. Ask any competitive athlete why they do it, and many will tell you about the transformative impact of the internal journey that must accompany any external success. It is an inside job.
The same is true for any meaningful leadership journey, and the leaders who want true, transformative success (for themselves and their teams) must move through their own developmental arc to cross that threshold of their own “crying week” to move to the next place of their own growth. Now, tears are optional, but self-reflection, self-assessment (SR/SA), and getting honest is not. I’ve coached very few people incapable of SR/SA (there are a few), and although a few are eager and enjoy it, most find it somewhere between mildly uncomfortable and excruciating. All will say it’s worth it.
One of my most requested and downloaded articles is titled “Dude, It’s You.” At the time I wrote it, I was in the first few years of my business, and I noticed patterns in my consulting work, specifically related to how leaders did and did not ask for help or seek outside advice. It’s likely natural, when a team isn’t performing how you want them to, to say, “What’s wrong with them?” and begin looking for ways to inspire, motivate, or push them to change.
But the first change must come from you. You must lead and facilitate the transformation from exactly where you stand. The first SR/SA should begin with the following questions for contemplation and robust discussion:
What am I doing that enables success or failure?
What are my expansive or limiting beliefs?
What is something I need to know that no one is telling me yet?
How can I be clearer and get out of the way?
What’s at risk if I do not make changes within myself first?
I have a standing joke when I try to use a sports example to explain something: “Here’s my single sports metaphor of the day,” I’ll say. But the truth is, I am and have been an athlete. I’ve known a lot of “crying weeks” when I wasn’t sure I could make it through to the end of something, and summoning my own emotional or spiritual fortitude allowed me to transcend what my mind thought might be possible. We must be willing to be changed from the inside out by our experiences and challenges. The job of a leader is to not only do our own work but also to model it for others so they can grow beyond what they think is possible, too.
Not sure how to get started? I can help. Reach out, and let’s begin.
